I used to hide away
If we could light up every street with our cellular phones, then maybe we can save ourselves or maybe we won't. But it doesn't even matter if we got no plan, as long as you're holding on to somebody's hand.
Skin best viewed in mozilla firefox under a 1280px x 800px screen resolution.

And only try to save myself
i expect to pass through this world but once.
any good, therefore, that i can do
or any kindness i can show to any fellow creature,
let me do it now.
let me not defer or neglect it
for I shall not pass this way again.
-- stephen grellet
Title: hikmah III
Date/Time: Wednesday, April 30, 2008 // 12:39 AM

▲ ▲ ▲
it is ok to be sad, it really is. i've come to realise that. it does not show that you are weak. it is because you are strong enough. that's why you are able to show your true emotions, and not afraid of other people judging you.

ok, maybe i just made that up; but hell i feel a lot better.

am i sad?
yeah.
have i cried?
woke up one morning and mama said, "eh tengok tu. mata bengkak. kau nangis kaaaan?" almost teasing me. haha. yar, thanks ma. LOL.

i'm gonna be even more cynical than i already am about this whole relationship thing; really. because boys are just smelly (read as stink). it'll take me awhile to not be so resentful of boys and start generalizing them. having brothers that are smelly (read as smelly; literally) does not help. HAHAHAHA.
i'm such a comic... -_-

anyways, so far, less than 0.0000000000009% of the world's population knows about this new url. and i would like to keep it that way for awhile. and if you are one of those few people i told; you are really special to me. and i love you. A LOT! X)


the besties came down on monday and gave me a surprise; Nurul's care package!

going to buy dinner at work; me and freddy went the longer way.
nuwul: eh why are we walking there? isn't it nearer this way?
freddy: we'll just walk here. so when i get the bubble tea, you can go and buy my waffles. *jalan menonong, forcing me to not abandon her, walk behind and catch up.
nuwul: errrr, hmmm. okay. (inside my heart i was like.. gasak kau lah nak! HAHAHA.)
*we continued walking.
freddy: eh look, it's rashidah. *points nonchalantly to the divider at the road.
nuwul: turns left and saw rashidah crossing the road. AAAAAAH! OMG! WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?!! ARHHHHH!
*continued screaming for another 15seconds.
AWWW. YOU GUYS ARE SO AWESOME! GROUP HUG PLEASE!

*at this point, freddy who masih jalan menonong had to turn back. cos this time; i won't budge. hehehehehe.

while sitting down having dinner; i said..
"this is so awesome! i should breakup more often." jokingly of course.
rashidah: i knew it. i knew at the back of my mind, you would say something like that.
[edit]honey, we can't afford your breakups.[/edit]

my besties are awesome.
i can't wait to meet liy and yani when i get back from japan.
or go for another round of driving with hanim.
:)



LILLAHITA'ALA.
0 comment(s)

Title: for a reason, a season and a lifetime.
Date/Time: Sunday, April 27, 2008 // 9:27 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
talking - that was alright.
i could smile. and even chuckled a little.
everything seemed so simple and clear cut.
i so freaking don't feel like going to work tomorrow. i'm afraid of seeing my bestie and become an uncontrollable water pipe. including in front of my almost one month colleagues.

"i wanted to let day by day pass; and see if it would get better."

i called for it.
thinking it is the best thing, so tell me, why am i crying?
got home looking for spongebob. something familiar. something close.
someone awesome said, 'if you need to be sad, be sad.'
a total stranger said, 'every time you see me, i'll be your door opener. be happy and smile always.' me walking off, and he continued to say, 'you take care.'
that gave me a reason to smile.

"because i know you are a strong little girl."
0 comment(s)

Title: it's all about compromising.
Date/Time: Thursday, April 24, 2008 // 5:13 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
i wanted to watch the oc VI.
mama wanted to play blocks on starhub cable.

me: alaaaah. nuwul nak nengok... *starts sulking and gives innocent face.
mama: nanti nanti. mama kalah round ni then you can watch.
me: alaaaah.
mama: biler dier start? *still playing.
me: dah start pon. tadi advertisment. *continues sulking and makes a very very sad face.
mama: ok jap jap.
me: k k. nuwul tau! *gets all excited. nuwul amekkan psp so mama boleh main puzzle bubble, nuwul boleh tgk show.
mama: okay set. amek sane.

cuteness.
0 comment(s)

Title: smile, it works.
Date/Time: 4:36 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
i just finished watching making the band 4 a few minutes ago. one of the dudes were got eliminated, and he wasn't quite happy about it. he tried to convince mike that he deserved to be there, and should not be eliminated. then mike said,
'in life, there will be something/someone that will come by and try to replace you.'
yee-ouch. :( it was really heartbreaking to see that dude's emotions, so true. and you can just tell how much he really wanted to be in there.
have you ever had something you really really wanted, really really badly?
whatever it may be, i hope you get it. :) Amin.

and then i remembered what zinkie (yes you zinkie. haha.) said,
'do you know your place in the food chain?'
it made me go, hmmmmmm.

.
.
.

i realized - haniab abdul hamid

i realized
even at the deepest end of pain
a positive thought can change
sadness into strength
hopelessness into hopefulness.

it is just we decide
will our life be left or right
will our experience be a joy or spite.

i realized
from all these lessons
if Allah still loves us
even if we fall
at the deepest end of pain
He will gently pull us to rise
and He never let us fall, twice.
0 comment(s)

Title: maybe this is best.
Date/Time: 2:42 AM

▲ ▲ ▲
time check; 242am.
i wonder if a lot of people are sleeping. cos my brother isn't, and neither am i (obviously). like you care right..

i've thought of so many things the past few days, had an a couple of epiphanies. and then i thought, in here, we can find out so many many things about anybody, anything. they don't have to spell it out, A-B-C, you just know instinctively. like sixth sense or a gut feeling. a gut feeling that has been right for many years.

and when you had that realization, you find yourself repelling. further and further away. it's a push so hard, you're not sure if you want to go back, will go back, or you can go back, even if you wanted to. or if someone pulled you back.
it's hard, very hard. there are times you find yourself walking right back in. but something keeps pushing you out, occasionally sucking you right back in. something that you can't quite grasp. but it is definitely worth pondering over.

and after all that you question, is it really all worth it?
is it worth the heart aches?
is it worth the tears?
is it worth the doubts that run through your mind?
is it really all worthwhile? is it?
truth be told, i still haven't found an answer to all that.

give a reason.

.
.
.

rationalizing or simplifying, is not a good habit if we do it to justify our actions that we know are not quite right. it's just not right, and it annoys me.


where to?
0 comment(s)

Title: conversations with the ex vice chair.
Date/Time: Monday, April 21, 2008 // 10:20 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
me: your gambar that one, tengah teringat kan dot dot dot eh? nyeheheheh.
him: a ah.. nak kawin!! boohoo!
me: aik? kenape nak kawin boohoo pulak? kan sesuatu yang menggembirakan?
him: tau.. tapi saya nak kawin sekarang!
me: HAHAHAHA! OMG! mentel!
him: haha. mentel eh.. memang saya dari kecik mentel.
0 comment(s)

Title: start it whacky.
Date/Time: Saturday, April 19, 2008 // 9:31 PM

▲ ▲ ▲


0 comment(s)

Title: the fit.
Date/Time: Thursday, April 17, 2008 // 11:51 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
"have a nice day somewhere else."
"life is good! try to get one, ok?"
"i can always tell when you are lying. your lips move."
0 comment(s)

Title: and then it struck me; like lightning did.
Date/Time: 11:16 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
i've just changed my blogskin!

i like it a lot a lot. though i wanted to get rid of russell crowe's pictures in the navigations, it just looked better with them plastered all over my blog. haha.
everything is pretty, just the way i like them. simplicity's the best.

but i'm not crazy over my tagboard. they are too.... thin. maybe it's because they're thinner than me. HAHAHA. -_-

liy! i'm running freeeee. ;)
wah! three posts in a day. i'm on a roll baybeh.
0 comment(s)

Title: at the end of the day, what matters most?
Date/Time: 2:53 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
everyone's got their fair share of troubled days,
and what makes you think yours is bigger than others?

think about the roof we've got above our heads.
think about the food we can eat to fill our empty stomachs.
think about he clothes that keep us warm. (or saving all others from a painful sight and a potential sore eye).
think about the people we can depend on.


then think about others who are deprived of all those.
think about a mother that has lost her child. then compare our troubles to hers.
don't make mountains out of molehills.
all i can say is, Alhamdulillah. i seek forgiveness for forgetting the blessings that You have given me.
Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah.
Astaghfrullah, Astaghfirullah, Astaghfirullah.
0 comment(s)

Title: ding dong.
Date/Time: 1:44 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
i just talked to fiqah the other day.
and i can't wait to go to some of the classes/talks with her. the only thing is, most of the classes/talks are on saturdays. i am working on those days! on top of that, some of the classes/talks are also in the morning. mornings on which we have meetings. great, no?
the only days i am ever free are on tuesdays, thursdays and sunday.
but she'll inform me if there's gonna be classes on any of those days. that made me a tad happier and relieved. XD
AND.
i am going to start tutoring soon, insyaAllah. but feeling a little bit of a pressure, cos firstly, tutee is in primary 5. STREAMING! but what is primary 5 math compared to secondary 5 chemistry right? kwang kwang kwang. then there's the expectations and whatnots. and then, tutee's a HE! a boy! boys are naughty and cheeky at that age. ok, nvm. just leave it at boys... at any age. -_-
shahidah was telling me about her tutee, and i may need to be more garang. maybe adopt a couple of mata terbeliak and ROARs once in awhile. hahaha.

'don't worry nuwul, we'll be here.' freddy.
wahahaha.
got down the wrong bus stop. walked further down another 2 bus stops. at least i got my exercise that morning, if we could call it that. :P

mad jack was yummy! the smoothie was XMAD. 'berry interesting'.
so was island creamery. what's better than horlicks sweets or drink? horlicks ice cream! super-dee-dooperly yummeh.
bring me to more places pleaseeee. teehee. ;)

i forgot my pin so i'll be gg down to ssdc in awhile, forking out $10 for a bunch of numbers that i could possible forget, AGAIN. lol. and i can't wait to get started on my lessons. a few hours after i land in singapore around mid may, i'll be taking my btt. all the best to me.
entah jet lag tak eh? if i fail it, i'll know why. kwang kwang kwang.

.
.
.

love golek-ing in the morning with affein and mama, talking about almost everything that matters a lot. :)
and yes oniisan, we talked about you too. or something like that.
abah have not been feeling well for a few days already. pray for him otay. :)

ouh what a wonderful proverb he said. X)
0 comment(s)

Title: when the pieces don't fit anymore.
Date/Time: Tuesday, April 15, 2008 // 10:26 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
this lack of self-motivation i am feeling, and the inactivity inside my head is making me wanna shoot myself.

and on a shoot-ing related issue,
I WANNA PLAY THE SUPER SOAKER!
OUH MAN! I WANNA DO THAT SO BAD!
i want i want! the last time i played that was.............





*kruk kruk*
ouh gosh, i don't remember. it is that long ago. O_o *faints melodramatically.


imagine if i had as much super soakers as this dude.

wah heaven sey! well, almost. haha

ok, i know what i want for ONE OF my birthday presents already. that is to play SUPER SOAKER! (on top of other awesome gifts). hehehe. and if i had as many super soakers as that dude, i could have a super super soaker party for my birthday! WHOOOO! I AM SO PSYCH-ED! :DDD
ouh freddy, my 21st! lol.

.
.
.
i've got issues. and i wish i has someone to work them with. :/
.
.



hmm. maybe i should make breakfast for my family tmr.
omelette sounds good, don't you think?
0 comment(s)

Title: when the past tries to catch up with you.
Date/Time: Monday, April 14, 2008 // 11:47 AM

▲ ▲ ▲
i thought it would be the last of you.
and i thought that somehow that would be the last of it.
it's like a bad movie that keeps on playing,
like a film that keeps on rolling.
how much i'm hoping for it to disappear, forever.

gosh i wanted to leave it all behind so badly.
all of it, behind, really really badly.
makes me wonder how after all these years,
it's still catching up and almost reappearing.

insyaAllah, this isn't the start of anything.

gawd, so melodrama al hindustani. HAHAHAHAHA.
ok, im actually serious. -_-
0 comment(s)

Title: He gives me strength, and grants me peace.
Date/Time: Thursday, April 10, 2008 // 9:44 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
i'm having new obsessions.

for example, jacob's crackers. it's really tasty dipped into hot milo on a cold rainy day. they taste amazing with yogurt too. nestle strawberry yogurt to be exact. YUMMEH!

then there's also lewis hamilton. have you met him?
everyone, meet lewis hamilton. lewis hamilton, meet everyone. XD

he's botak. like someone i know. haven't actually seen the new found image. but insyaAllah, i'll get to see it soon. then i'll decide who looks better.
lewis hamilton, or the new botak dude in town.
nyahahahah.


AND!
it's confirmed, insyaAllah (oxymoron, i know) that i will be flying to japan on the second! i am soooooooo thrilled. teeheeheehee. :DD
i know it's not winter or anything, but i will squeeze in one winter wear during my 10 days stay there. HAHAHAHA.
I AM SO EXCITED! finally, i can say that i have travelled further than malaysia and indonesia. wheehoo! XD
0 comment(s)

Title: take me away to lala land.
Date/Time: Monday, April 07, 2008 // 11:14 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
sometimes i feel like such a fool.
seriously. :(
0 comment(s)

Title: for all the goodness we can each bring.
Date/Time: Sunday, April 06, 2008 // 12:56 AM

▲ ▲ ▲

a quater of the post was typed at work! hehehe.

there will be tonnes of influences that we'll meet everyday.
but we can choose what influences us, and who influences us.
and the choice we make reflects and mirrors who we are, and what we will become.
i'll get the chance to see, with a better view, a better look.
and i pray day and night, that it is only for the best.

.
.
.

and just now, U.K.R talked about so many things that got me thinking. what caught my attention the most was about well... influences. so many of us wish to bring some kind of good influence to our friends, our family members etc. bottom line, someone we care deeply about. because, 'the best of people are those that bring benefit and is useful to others.'
but the thing about being influential is, we have to start with ourselves.

:)

it's ridiculous to encourage someone to start cleaning up their act, when you are no better. unless what you plan to do is just the same. then maybe you can do it together-gether.
it is absurd trying to convince someone to eat their veggies cos it is healthy, good for their digestion, boleh awek muda (macam saya), blah blah blah, when you don't eat your own green peas. you know?
so bottom line is, you've got to practice what you preach. seiklhas hati, and beristiqamah. :)

and then U.K.R. brought up three very tongue-twisted sentences. hahaha. here it goes.
"bukan ahli ibadah tak boleh ajak orang beribadah untuk beribadah."
"bukan ahli ibadah tak boleh ajak orang yang tidak ibadah untuk beribadah."
"ahli ibadah boleh ajak orang yang tak beribadah."
tak boleh, meaning that probably it won't be as impactful and effective; something like that. heh.

and i was saying to si kecik something like, 'it's no wonder ahem ahem can influence ahem ahem so easily kan?' paham paham kan je lah ye. lol.
i appreciate knowing these kind of people, and i treasure them. a lot a lot! :) untung sangat sangat. mcm ader semacam punyer aura! LOL. XP

.
.
.

we're all human, and we all make mistakes. we just gotta remember, i gotta remember, that when we have deviated from the right path (Astaghfirullah), or whatever you'd like to call it, there is turning back.
Say: 'O' My slaves who have transgressed against themselves [by committing evil deeds and sins]! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah, verily Allah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
(Al Qur'an 39:53)

***

on a totally random note, republic poly just got itself into the guiness world record and the singapore something somehting records yesterday. which is having 1320 people participate in a leap frog thingy thingy, beating the previous record done by 1100++ German people. try googling it. :)
i found out while going through photos in NIKAH. ok, bedek arh, it's actually nica.


ok, nvm. anyways, the time now is 1:34am.
i am officially nocturnal, or possibly insomniac. i'm tired, i really am. but i just can't get my eyes to shut.
my throat is hurting, my body's aching.


where should i channel all these?
0 comment(s)

Title: sayang nyer dengan korang! XD
Date/Time: Wednesday, April 02, 2008 // 10:35 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
my besties are awesome i tell you.
while one is taking care and looking out for me at work,
another is helping me clear my 922 unread mails.
hehehe.

and the numbers been decreasing ever since.
and the last time i checked, the unread mails have decreased to 700.
200 emails in less than 30minutes.
she is fast!


where else can i find such wonderful-awesome-always-there-for-me-no-matter-what besties? teehee.
0 comment(s)

Title: from beyond itself, from a source we can never know.
Date/Time: 9:17 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
"... yet the strange thing is, when you enter a poem with your heart as well as your mind, a tremor of recognition will run through you. you know what the poet is saying, but you know it viscerally, not with your body of information. this is never so true as with a poem whose subject is love.

because we know what love is despite ourselves. we long for it, pray for it; we mourn its parting; yet that longing as Rumi tells us, 'is the secret cup."

we are perhaps never so close than when we most poignantly feel its absence. then, we may wonder whether love, after all, ever goes anywhere. perhaps it is we who walk away."
- roger housden
0 comment(s)

Title: because from the distant, i'll listen, every night.
Date/Time: Tuesday, April 01, 2008 // 10:08 PM

▲ ▲ ▲
i'm starting work tomorrow! i'm excited! my first real job involving more than one person, and not a kid. kwang kwang kwang.
i can't wait to be colleagues with my bestie! it'd almost be like the old times. kan kan kan? :)
say HELLO to this web uploader in the singapore press holdings. XD
the job title makes the job sounds easy. i hope it is as easy.
i'm anxious! lol.

everyone was talking about getting calls and interviews from NTU yesterday at the chalet. but that is for the bachelor of science, something i did not apply for. heh. alah, if i don't get into local uni, i can always be a web uploader for life. HAHAHAHAHA. -_-

.
.
.

the night was.. magical.


the pictures - gorgeous accidental photos; which i have yet to receive XP , the fairytale like tower, the lights, the lightning during the show (added effect babe), the fires, the fireworks the lasers, the waters, and oscar! X)
i can't wait to laugh looking at our last shot of the night together. what in the world were we thinking!? HAHA. ouh wait, we weren't. LOL.
if only i was not as tired.
nonetheless, thank you mister photographer sir. berpeluh-peluh dier, berkeje keras. hehe. XP
i feel very thankful, grateful and appreciative. YAY!
and i'm thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking what it is that i will be getting from KL. nyeheheheh. XD
.
.
.

and i wonder if it will end and stop, like everything else.
0 comment(s)