STRESS. THIS IS NOT MY WORK. THERE'S SO MUCH ELSE THAT I GOTTA DO; WHICH IS MY WORK. AND I NEED TO FIND TIME DOING SOMETHING WITH ME.

STRENGTH, PATIENCE. A GIFT, I'M PRAYING FOR. 0 comment(s)

how much longer will you wait?
it's time to turn things around.

.
.
.

"if someone wants to convert, when is the best time to convert?"
"the time is now."

simple and to the point. Allahu Akbar. :) 0 comment(s)

came across an article worth reading. i bet everyone's felt this before.

"In life, not everything goes the way you want it to. For some reason, others sometimes have it easier than you. But for as long as you are looking at others and wondering why you don't get the same things they do, you will forever be dissatisfied and that dissatisfaction will manifest itself in various ways, affecting the people around you.

We are taught to believe that every problem comes our way as a test and to accept what comes our way. Yet most of the time, it is easier said than done."

just yesterday, i was at one of the most beneficial talks i have attended in quite awhile. just at the bus stop (or was it in the cab?) after the talk, fiqah said, "i feel lighter." and i couldn't agree more. for some reason, i was more inclined to smile. huhu.

it the story of shaykh khalil moore, and his journey in embracing islam. beautifully delivered, and very enlightening. every now and then, he would recite poems that his beloved friend wrote before he embraced islam. and that friend's name is now haroon. apparently that friend of his is a poet, a very talented one i must say.

khalil moore even mentioned, 'i really love haroon if you haven't yet realised.' i did realise.
imagine this. they were two people, in search of something. and they were determined to find the answer together. it was a journey, it was their journey towards God. how can you not love that person, you know what i mean?
it's a life altering journey.

khalil moore doa for his friend, and it made me tear. i wasn't really sure if it was the doa that made me tear. or it was his the true connection or love they had for each other that made me tear. or maybe my imbalanced hormones at that time. huhu. i think all of that made me tear. it just touched me. then i thought to myself, i would love to have that kind of ukhwwah. i would love to have what they have. friendship, at its best. :)


below is one of the many moving poems haroon composed. it is one before he converted. :)

Aaron (Haroon) Sellers/straight up blues Another busy day

I can’t find time to pray
I have been awake too long
Temptation pulls me strong

My soul is sick and starved
And my tombstone is being carved
Sin is my surrounding
My Spirit needs some grounding

I know sometimes I stumble
But I don’t wanna crumble
My heart ache can’t be ignored
And I am reaching for my Lord

A natural state of mind
That’s what I need to find
Weak from the attack
Now I am fighting back

Exodus the old
A Genesis the soul

Take me there where I am from
Take me home back to God
I don’t want to read no more
I wanna know for sure 0 comment(s)

you know, the thing about people is they are like puzzles that can never be solved. there is always some missing pieces. or those pieces just don't fit sometimes, if not almost all the time.

and there are times that you thought you know someone. know them well enough to think that you were on the same page. then somewhere along the way, something just happened. and you got hurt, for reasons you thought could never have existed in the first place.

but then you realize and got reminded, that's exactly it. people are puzzles that can never be solved. there were some pieces that you missed. and when those missing pieces appeared, you just wished that you never found them all together.

i guess i am just one of these puzzles, that have yet to be solved. and i probably did some things that hurt others or made others sad and mad. i should remember of how forgiving others were of my flaws. am i grateful for that? definitely. :)

.
.
.

and i've got to remember and remind myself, that if i ever do anything, ultimately it's always got to be for God; no other reason. we'll find ways, insyaAllah. that way, i can go on loving everything i do, and never regret anything that happens, or did not happen. lillahita'ala. :)

"don't judge the truth, from what others do.
find the truth, and do what's right for you"
- harun. 0 comment(s)

time seems to stay so still,
sooner or later you know you've gotta move.
everything or something is talking to you,
it's impossible you've got no clue.

you tell yourself that you're made of steel,
and you can go on there must be a will,
your will, your strength, your desire,
you can be great, just light that fire.

be the fuel, the woods and the air,
ignite your power, you're already there,
imagine the fruits you'd love to bare,
make them stop, look and stare.

right there, right now, it's looking and waiting.
for you to come by, go on and do something.

no one can wait that long.
nothing can be so strong.
and what's left to do is action.

step up, snap out.
that's my shout out.
more from myself,
then anyone else.

inspired after a pep encouraging talk from a friend, a mentor and more importantly a stalker. 0 comment(s)

10. 13. life. drive. out. driven. packed. fast. same. of. different. rest. later. blue.


this makes sense only to me. that on it's own, makes me feel good.

***

cinta fitri makes me think so much! omggggg. kenape ehhhh? deja vu banget sih!
my dad loves the show, and is watching it now. ngotot! huhuhu.

welcome a new member to the family! XD 0 comment(s)

"Sejarah mengajar kita
Menjadi lebih dewasa
Meniti arus angkara
Lupakan kisah yang lalu
Teguhkan tugu imanmu
Doaku buatmu kekasih

Yang dulu usah dirindu
Hilangkanlah dari hatimu
Doaku buatmu kekasih."

the family have been singing that song all the time, every chance we get. in fact, we've been singing a couple of oldies songs on youtube and singing them. it started when my dad was surfing the net. happened to watch 'pulanglah' by aishah. and we hadn't stop ever since.

in fact, just two days after, my mom surfed youtube herself. went looking for different genre of songs. from nasyid, to hari raya songs to even dangdut! mas idayu all. can you imagine?! zaman biler sey tu. huhu. :P but dangdut is so catchy. no wonder all the pakcik love it. haha.

and if it was written for you, nothing can stop it. and if it wasn't in your destiny, nothing in the world can change it and make it happen.
i leave my affairs to you ouh Allah. for you are the best disposer of my affairs.

lahawla walakuwata illa billah hil'aliyil 'azim. 0 comment(s)

"Woman who wears thin garment (transparent, see-through garment) or who arouses passion in men, or meet men they are not allowed to mix or move about openly while heavily made up or who live without pardah, will never enter jannah. In fact they will not even smell the fragrance of jannah."

"When a woman's husband dies while he was happy and pleased with her, jannah becomes wajib for her."

***

i left Dtalk to go to work. had less than 4 hours of sleep and am honestly surprised i actually can keep my eyes open.

i just realised that i miss the smell of the sports desk on the way to the pantry, toilet and musollah. and now that i'm here, i want to go home cos i am SO sleepy and tired. *snores. got an email that made my eyes pop out. akhirnya, sampai juga. :) now i need to consult the 'big people' and solat istiharah. insyaAllah, the best will soon come.

i'm having second thoughts about whether it makes much of a point to go there this morning. yes morning, cos since it's saturday, i'd probably end at 12-ish.

wah, participant setia sey nuwul. HAHAHA.

the next time i'm less tired, insyaAllah i'll share about Dtalk. :)

Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda:"Barangsiapa yang memberikan petunjuk atas kebaikan, maka baginya adalah seperti pahala orang yang melakukan kebaikan itu."

(Riwayat Muslim)

and now i'll leave you in Allah's grace.
WHOOO. *melts love that phrase. haha. k take care you guys! :) 0 comment(s)

my all time favourite nasyid song. :')
hayati the lagu, and you can cry. 0 comment(s)

sex and the city is extremely therapeutic for me. so so awesome. teared in some of the scenes. :')
i don't mind watching it over and over again. the besties and i just feel we could relate. haha. CARRIE! teehee.
i can imagine us at age 40 and still close, like them. insyaAllah, this ukhwwah will continue to be strong, or even get stronger. Amin. :)

anyways,
look at what i got today!


love love love it. after contemplating over which was nicer, this or the 'evening only', this was a better choice. hee. thank you my bona fide heroes! love me mummy and daddy. HEE. <3


***

beyond the reason why.
but i hate it,
you know exactly what to do,
so that i can't stay mad at you,
for too long, that's wrong. 0 comment(s)

i was just at my cousin's ROM this afternoon.(well not hers lah, but you get the idea. solemnization/akad nikah).
i loved the small teeny winy Quranic verse that was pasted at the door of the surau. :)

ANYWAYS, to the more important bits.

i have the cutest anak sedaras!!!
i have tonnes by the way. actually maybe more. and they are the friendliest you can find. and their PR, power. TEEHEE. they will strike a conversation with you, like it's nobody's business. well technically, it is no body's business. by figuratively... ALAH. susah lah explain, paham-pahamkan sendiri ye. XP

they will all be circling you, lining up, just to salam you. and they have the cutest outfits. in jubah and kebaya nyonya. ALAHAI!

but there is just one bit that made me feel a tad sadder. from outside the window, they shouted, 'CIK NURUL'. MAKCOW! i feel damn tua can!
the first three times, i didn't acknowledge the screaming for my attention. but it got louder and louder, i had to turn. at this point i still didn't know that they were referring to me.

and then it struck me. nuwul, you just turned 20 yesterday and people small people are already calling you cik (cos in they past they called me kak). face it nuwul, you very old.

*experiencing quarter-life crisis i think.

and they're going to school tmr to watch kung-fu panda. i feel so jealous. :(

***

on another happy note,
i met up with KGC for dinner today! an after-a-very-long-time or not seeing each other cum b'day dinner. huhu. in my jubah since i was straight from the akad nikah.
it's weird how now the topic talked most about is work and all. heh. well we are growing.

more updates on it as soon as i get the pictures! XD
"bacin, smelly, busuk." HAHA.
LOVE YOU THREE!

***

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :) 0 comment(s)

someone tell me, what day is it?!
no? not gonna tell me? k, nvm.

let me pujuk myself by singing to myself.

HAPPY BDAY TO ME!
HAPPY BDAY TO ME!
HAPPY BDAY TO ME!
HAPPY BDAY TO ME!

hehe.

thanks for the wishes peopleseseseseses. X)
some one woke me up in the morning to wish me happy birthday, some wished me before i could go to bed, some wished me four times on the same day, some another wished me right before it turned 11/06, some even before the very day arrived, some all the way from across the borders and ocean. some even quite unexpected; pleasantly surprised i suppose. XD

but many just found the pleasure in reminding me that i am growing older. haha.

the BIG 2-0! no longer a teen. unless like what liy said, i'm twenteen. HAHA. cute or what. probably only liy can come up with something like that.

"dah besar dier sekarang eh."

at this very moment, i feel grateful and am happy, i can't imagine asking for anything more.
ouh wait! maybe i could. i want the $119 swatch watch. so to those i truly appreciate, why not set up a we love nuwul fund and buy me one k!

evening only. SUBB111G.

don't it look pretty? i bet it'd look even prettier on my wrist. teehee. :)

even the system at work was on my side. because it was down, there wasn't much work to be done. so more of relaxing and all that. which reminds me of freddy getting high and the laughing in the office. huhuhu. i like. :)

thank you Allah, for the ordinary yet unforgettable birthday,
sealed with hugs and kisses. :)

now when can i get the photos so i can post my bday surprise (well sort of)! *hint hint

0 comment(s)

never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can take it,
never say you don't love that person anymore when you can't let go.

giving someone all your love is never an assurance they will love you back
don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their hearts.
but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

there are things you love to hear,
but you would never hear it from the person whom you would like to hear it from,
but don't be deaf to hear it from the person who says it with his heart. 0 comment(s)

today was the bestest blindfold day ever. im so grateful for my eyes, myopic and all. i love it. and i love you! :D
thank you my lovelies! XD
more updates on it as soon as i get the photos.

***

knowing it is after the rain that rainbows appear makes me hopeful.
so let it rain, a big downpour, i'll be waiting for that rainbow, as little as it may be. i'll be waiting for that little rainbow of mine. and i'll be waiting, full of hope and faith. let the sun shine away!



0 comment(s)

being gloomy, down, overly self-critical and overly analytical of situations is exhausting. so those days are over for me, insyaAllah. and seriously, sai played an important role in this. hee. so thank you! and honey, i refuse to say welcome. nyeheheh. thank you Allah for lifting the thousand billion tonne of batu from my heart. it was so bad, the pain began to get physical. but now it is better and i am grateful. :) Alhamdullilah! XD

anyways, today was a fruitful day. a day that would probably determine my whole life. i shared that experience with abah. it's amazing how abah is able to spot the issues that i so easily missed. i'm excited.

a year break should do me some good. :)


my mom literally fed me in bed. lol.
haji kecik had his cukur rambut today. very grand i swear. ahsan nathyr wore his jubah and songkong haji today! CUTE NAK MAMPOS!
ROARRRR. geram nak gigit sey. nasib baik anak orang. kalau anak sendiri, lebam-lebam aku kerjekan. hehe.
ouh, and nekmok has marketing skills that are sure to make you laugh. i can't stand it. haha.
she: kau amek lah ini buah, aku kasi. tak sedap sekali. amek lah kalau nak.
HAHAHA. kalau bukak business, tak maju sey.

my happiest moment today: when we were all in the car, on the way back to nek mok's place. :) 0 comment(s)

my friendster is in chinese! o.O
my itchy hand accidentally pressed on the different language option.
-___-

yesterday, the afternoon at the beach was... painful. rollerblading with affein is hazardous. hahaha.
anyone who knew affein would say that he is all crazy and insane in his mind. some people would term it as being creative and imaginative. the boyan family would just call him moha-moha. lol.
we had our own x-games tournament on our blades.

we both had three tricks to fulfill. i successfully did the shuffle, gallop and spin+gallop. that was after falling on my hands twice and lying on the floor for a full 20 seconds because i was in too much pain and frustration. HAHA.
the champ cum commentator, did the star jump, the heel clip and jump+heelclip+spin.

a bruise on my palm and elbow is my advanced birthday treat for that afternoon. i wonder if there's gonna be a scar for me to remember the day by. heh.

SO ARE ME was brought up and i laughed non-stop. HUHU. i love. XD 0 comment(s)

having sai working near my workplace and my home is so awesome.
now i can meet her whenever i need her doses of SAI-k (read as psych). haha. dude, it's even in your name. LOL.

met up with sai after a longggggggg time of not meeting. it's been months!
went running to get my hug.
cheese cake! and belgian chocolate. yummy.

after that we talked. about things that mattered. of the 'bigger' picture and the constant reminder. friends like these are the blessings that you can bring further than just the worldly world. and i'm grateful. yes i am! XD

she gave me such great reminders and such a good 'push'. gosh. i don't even have words to describe it actually. it's just a feeling. a good nice peaceful calming feeling. heh. after the talk, happy hormones were running high. definitely in our system. i'm so glad i met her and talked to her. it helps to know that someone shares the same sentiment. or to have someone who can say just the right things at the right time to make you feel better. :)

THANK YOU!

0 comment(s)

NADY's very first skit.
was extremely tired from the previous day. less than an hour's sleep. an event to run the next day. treasure hunt and a skit.
everyone was very shagged, but everyone put in their best effort for the skit and running around for the treasure hunt. we are very good amateurs. haha.

i'll never forget that day.
syafie as the loyar burok orang mimpi.
afiq entering the stage, and the kids in the front go 'taufik batisah! taufik batisah!' haha.
then sheikh's award winning selengerness as leman.
imran with his awesome azan.
munzir being the pakcik we all know he could be in the near future. heh.
yaya and her kaypohness. constantly practicing with mak esah.
and mak esah performing in a skit after the secondary four 'chicago' play. it's been awhile.

thanks pakcik for the recording!
the kids seemed to enjoy it. heh. :)





if you watched the video, you'll find out about my moonwalk. hohoho. 0 comment(s)

it feels like it's been forever since i blogged properly. blogging without a tagboard or a comment tag isn't as much fun. so i'll add it in. heh. you know you are writing for someone, but there's no one.

when you meet up with friends that you've not seen for quite awhile, or chat a little, the question 'so what have you been up to?' never fails to appear. and when people ask that, i can't help but stop in my tracks.

so what have i been up to all these while?
how am i better than i have been a two, three months ago?

for starters, i am trying to get myself back in the education system. hoho.
i miss studying, really.
i miss reading.
i miss having classmates.
in fact, i miss esther, junainah and chowdhury.
having sheikh in class, flexing his muscles every now and then. HAHA.
or mel with her witty comebacks. HUHU.
don't ask me why these are the names that come up. LOL.

and the long breaks. we decide when they end, and how long they should be.
the never ending camwhoring with the princessys.
occasionally going to library to borrow books. (this happens only in third year. grades begins to matter more than anything during this year.) HOHOHO.

i want to experience the same thing, maybe even better in the next institution i get in. insyaAllah. :D

being in the middle and nowhere all at once, not a nice feeling.

and next, i'm gonna start driving soon.
wanna hold the wheels! excited excited! :)

and i'm on a mission to repel all the negativity and everything related away from me.
i wanna be able to get inspired as easily as i used to be.
that was really a blessing i had, and wish to have again.
i could have looked at the birds fly and feel empowered.
i could observe leaves being blown and smile.
it's not crazy. it's just dzikrullah. and that's important.
makes me feel better, nicer and more pleasant.

i wanna laugh and smile and know that all that came from the heart. not because i thought it's polite, or because that is the thing normal people would do. but because i wanted to. and i meant it, not thinking twice, 'why did i do that?'
spontaneity is somehow starting to shy away from me.
maybe life just got to me.

let me wake up one morning, with a sudden realization that everything will be ok, and i will be fine. that good things will happen to me. and i can make something out of my life.

because right now, i feel like a failure.
really do.

wow. i actually said that. i actually said what i felt.
i'm getting better at this.
all i need to learn now, is how to be more tactful. 0 comment(s)