because nothing can be compared to a mother's love and care.
ouh how much i love her.
:D 0 comment(s)

'Sarah Brown is a phenomenal asset to Gordon,' Ms Zoe Williams wrote in the centre-left Guardian newspaper on Thursday.

'She makes him seem human; she makes his smile seem real; she makes you feel there is more to him than meets the eye; she makes you trust him, because she does.'
-- AFP

did that make you choke? it made me choke, in a good terharu, touch my heart kind of way. :) 0 comment(s)

so often these days, i always seem to say the wrong things to the people closest and dearest to me.

and because of this, i have decided to not speak as much; not that i was that talkative in the first place. maybe it's better to shut my mouth. you know, many people say it's best to not bottle your feelings inside and all those stuff. i'm beginning to think otherwise. because everytime with each word that leaves this kuih lapis lips of mine, someone always gets hurt, angry or agitated. or i in turn get hurt because whatever that i am trying to explain or say gets interpreted the wrong way and everything else becomes my fault.

so until i know how to deliver my message(s) with full of tact, i shall zip, seal and lock my mouth. maybe keep the lock deep in my closet, and not throw it away, just in case i change my mind about things.

and i always have to be on the defence, because everyone else is on the offence with me. ouh how i wish what i was saying weren't all true and it's all fictive of my imagination. but honey, it's happened too many times. way too many times. unless i'm way to sensitive.

either way, i'm still keeping my mouth shut. and continue praying to God that He'll assist me in making sure that my tongue isn't like a sword that cuts deep.

***

on a less-tensed note, the past two weekends i had with NADY was quite great really. with rycamp and nop. rycamp, we cried. nop we cried. favourite tau diorang buat kiter semue nangis.

nangis kerana sedar akan kebesaran Tuhan.
nangis kerana terkenang pengorbanan ibu bapa.
nangis kerana keseradaran diri kerana kealpaan masing-masing.
nangis kerana terasa teramat kecil dibandingkan dengan segala macam ciptaan Tuhan sekalian alam.
nangis kerana teringat dan terfikir, seandainya tahun ini adalah tahun terakhir ketemunya dengan Ramadhan.
nangis kerana terasa kesucian cinta Rasulullah kepada ummatnya.

nangiiiiiiiiiiiiis melulu!
huhu. tapi after nangis, waduh, lega banget sih! bagaikan diangkat dan dibuang segala keresahan dan kesulitan yang dialami sebelumnya. gosh sungguh melayu. haha.

kudos to the ydos. they did a fantabulous job on the theatre show during CPR! masyaAllah. makin power night of power. ader bakat terpendam ustaz-ustaz kiter semue. ustaz effendi was so out of his character. which is good i guess, cos i wouldn't want my ustaz to talk like that! scary and just... weird. but that simply shows that he really put up a good show. seriously, for those yang tak pegi, RUGI! hehe. ader kelakar, ader geram, ader sedih. masa ustaz ahmad acting jadi playboy, yaAllah. punyer lah geram! URGH. pfft. you can hear the roars of disapproval from the sisters in the whole auditorium. sungguh gerek the atmosphere sih!

i can't praise CPR enough this month. heh. :)


and congratulations NADY for winning the most participative campers for NOP! yay yay! XD



that's all for now.
thank you God, thank you. :)

"Tuhan sekiranya hambamu ini layak kesyurgamu…ku memohon agar kau membawa teman-temanku bersama.."

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one. i like sitting at siberia. love it.
i get to do my own things, without having to feel as if someone is watching me. because the computer screen is totally facing the wall! LOVE IT.

two. i don't want to be myopic my entire life. thus, i shall save some money and go for lasic surgery if Allah allows me to. huhu.

three. i love how the smell of the cookie batter stick to my hand hours after i've washed my hands. i'm sure it's got to do with the vanilla essence.

four. sometimes i feel unappreciated.

five. i am feeling disconnected from everyone.

six. the humming of the machine behind me is suprisingly calming. OUH! now i remember, i've always wanted to buy the body shop sleeping spells (that's what i call them. hehe.)

seven. please don't be jealous, but i've got a date with lewis hamilton this week. HEH HEH.

eight. i can't wait to get zac back this monday!

nine. after tuition on tuesday, i was so excited to show mama i got my very own notebook for masak-masak stuff like cookies and lauk(?). but as soon as i got home, everything changed.

ten. im extremely anxious about my application results to uwa. if i had moolah, i'm pretty sure i would have joined yani in queensland next year. money sucks, i hate money.

eleven. i'm gonna miss ramadhan once it's gone. :(

twelve. am kinda in love with this small edit i did.

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when a song is just a song.

because we all know i am not the most informed person when it comes to malay/indonesian band. hahhhh. 0 comment(s)

i was just about to start blogging when i heard the 1999 family movie,
'ini khas untuk nurul huda. kesian dier tertinggal pat rumah'.

that was my lovely cousins, who went overseas without me. haha.

.
.
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IT'S.GETTING.COMPLICATED.WHAT.HAVE.I.GOTTEN.MYSELF.INTO. 0 comment(s)

i tried resisting myself from blogging. as you can see i failed terribly. which obviously explains this post. hehe.

anyways,
GREAT NEWS!

there's an oven in my house (make that two, one is rosak)! muahahaha. unlike last year, where we had to buy kuihs and wait for kuihs to come from aunties and grandmothers (Alhamdulillah for that), this time i can bake my own cookies for raya! :D i've already baked honey cornflakes! nyumm. :)
i keep insisting some of my friends that if they smell anything good in camp, it'd be my kuih. nyahahah.

so i went kuih ingredient shopping/hunting yesterday. alone. loner right? haha. but it's nice going alone. i get to take in all the smells (tak batal puasa kan? :P) and appreciate the cocoa fudge, chocolate chips and chopped almond at my own pace and time. it was as if i was in a totally different realm. kuih paradise!
loved it!

after that i went to surprise my grandparents with their very much liked tahu goreng and grapes. i got a lot more in return. lol.
plums, keropok orange yang panjang-panjang and kuih uwek (don't ask. haha).
i love seeing surprised happy faces! my grandparent's especially. surely made my day. :)

before going to my grandparents, i called mama up asking her what buah they loved most. i knew them, i just wanted to be sure. afterall, she knows them longer than me. duhh! hehe. and who'd know them better if not their first child?

me: mama! nuwul macam nak pegi rumah nekmok arh.
mama: kenape?
me: saje je. nak belikan buah ke. ape ke.
mama: ouh, bolehhh. *starts talking about the different tropical fruits i could buy for them. haha.
me: tok ayah suker papaya kan?
mama: a ah, tapi tak bagos beli papaya skrg. tak musim.
me: ouh ok. arhhh! pear lembik?
mama: arhh, boleh jugak. (but there weren't any at NTUC. :( )
me: ouh ok.
mama: *continues giving suggestions, like she always does. kalau ader buah samak, nek mok suker.
me: ouh a ah eh. ok.
mama: kenape suddenly nak pegi rumah nekmok? (cos i've never really gone there alone, let alone surprise them. hehe.)
me: saje je. tak salah kan. nak mengunjung and berterima kasih dengan orang yang telah melahirkan mama, yang telah melahirkan nuwul.
mama: *giggles silently. but i definitely heard her. dah dah, dah takpayah bersyarah.
me: huhuhu. -_-
mama: *starts to give suggestions, like she always does, again.
me: ouh okie, thank you! bye!

of course i called her a couple more times after that. and vice versa. hahah.
here's an advice, to myself included, jangan sekali-kali membelakangkan ibubapa in any situation, or decisions in our lives.
they know better, and it's true.

with that, i shall continue with doing my paid job.
to the home section! :D 0 comment(s)

you know, it's true when adlai stevenson said 'it's far easier to fight for principles than to live up to them.'

anyways,
i have never done terawih and cried before. but yesterday i did just that. it wasn't caused by a sad occurence or anything of that sort, it was because i saw how beautiful life and Islam is.

i took the same lift as what looked like a arab/indian lady. she was carrying her child (not yet one-year-old) near her bossoms. we acknowledged each other and we smiled. i've seen her before the night we had RYCamp, and i definitely recognised that little angel she was carrying. while his mother was doing her prayers, he laid down peaceful shifting his eyes left to right, right to left, trying to make out his surrounding environment.

that friday night, the baby laughed and giggled his cute giggle while the imam recited the verses from the quran. each time he giggled, i imagined angels watching over him and maybe playing with him.talk about over active imagination right? heh.

but yesterday, he wasn't giggling or laughing, he was crying. when his mum carried him and swayed left to right, he stopped. but as soon as she put him down and took her takbir for terawih prayers, he began crying again. that was when his mum carried him and did her takbir, with him close to her body so that she could be in congregation.

i can't really explain why that touched me so much. but it did; touched me so much to the point that i teared.
half of me remembered my mum. i thought about how my mum took care of me since i was a baby. or maybe even before that. how when she was pregnant, surely she took better care of herself, just to make sure that nothing bad would happen to unborn me. :)

the other half thought about how kind and beautiful Islam is. i'm assuming she is from a different mazhab (probably Hanafi but i could be wrong). it's those kind of things where you only hear about, and don't actually see with your own eyes (unless you go to Mekkah or Madinah or somewhere else other that Singapore when all other Muslim brothers and sisters gather)? so maybe that's why i was so terharu. it's like, masyaAllah, the keihsanan is so great. and it's a new experiece for me. i was honoured really, to have her pray next to me. haha. mcm ape jek nuwul, jakon. Xb

tak ku sedar berlinangan air mata 0 comment(s)

just two days ago, we were talking about the different Quran recitations by some of the top renowned Qaris in the world during the bus ride home.

and like some kind of suratan takdir (lol) oniisan switched on youtube, waking me up to sheikh mishary al afasy's tala'al badharu 'alaina this morning. hehe.

then he switched to his recitation of Surah Al-Mulk. masyaAllah. boleh nangis. mendayu-dayu.

mama: masyaAllah sedapnyer. mcm nak pegi ngaji sekarang jugak.

i'll let you hear it, and you be the judge. enjoy!

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it's so easy to be melancholy and drown in your own emotions.
it's easy, yet it's so human. human, people, human, people. whatever is the difference you ask?
the last time i checked, humans are more humane than people. right anybody out there?

huhu.
it's really insane, because one minute i'm way up there, and another i'm just not.
it's back, and it's ridiculously exhausting.
i can feel something building up in my chest, and i've never liked it when i discover what made me feel this way.

maybe it's just the many sins i've committed. may Allah forgive me. Amin.

after reading lin's post, it got me thinking.
clingy or not. and when you're not, it's not that you don't need them in your life. it's just you are letting them fly and hopefully return back to the nest when night's approaching.

well, if they return in kind at least...


***

i've felt what it's like to feed my soul. and i probably need to do that more often. not let the busynesseses of this life prevent me from doing that. ouh Allah, i seek your help in guiding me through this.

i have felt what it was to know that you are here for a bigger purpose, and actually carrying that out in the bestestestest of your potential. ouh how i miss the wonderful feeling of satisfaction.

this inner struggle and battle seem to last longer than the many others i've had previously. and it seems a tad tougher too.

i'm not complaining, really (i think i've done too much of that). i'm just reflecting. and bermuhassabah. padahal same meaning eh. heh.

i just need to know that when i am out of this phase, rereading this post (when one of this tests come by again) would make me realise that i am a strong woman who is capable of surviving tough times. i have done it before, i'm sure i can do it again. insyaAllah, Allahu Akbar.


someone to share my day(s)

***

ok, moooooooooooooooooving on, i love rycamp this year. huhu. more updates when i get the photos, insyaAllah. :) 0 comment(s)

what a sappy thought

.
.
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i felt my spirits soar up high when i got the webcam invitation. HAHA.
seriously, i was smiling from ear to ear. nyahah. :)
and then continues smiling to myself like a retarded monkey a few minutes after wards watching them.

i wasn't totally away on saturday morning of RYCamp after all. ;)

thank you saiful! XD



tapi kejap sangat!
but then that is so typical of us human. we never want the good times to end. 0 comment(s)

i am actually quite excited about tonight.
although i am pretty confident i would be totally shagged on saturday (like i was for one night sunnah), i'm quite sure i'll enjoy myself nonetheless.
furthermore, i'd get to see how those three girls are outside family functions. sure i've been out with them watching movie and such, but it's different, you know? seeing these kids with their friends would definitely be interesting. haha.

lagipon, on sunday, liy promised me a hug. that's got me even more excited! hehehe~

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.
.

every since yesterday, i feel less tensed at work. and i'm not quite sure why. :)
maybe it's the blessings of Ramadhan. huhu.
right now, there are only two people in the office. terrence and i. everyone else has left for a meeting the free food on the eight floor.

"what's upstairs?"
"ouh go on, follow the food. ouh shoots! not you. sorry. O_o"
"hahaha."
"nevermind, you just go and watch a movie or something."


having your boss say that sure makes you feel.... well, less tensed.


i just realised something! q:)
CUTE KAN?! he's wearing a hat! HAHA. 0 comment(s)

after tadarus Al-Quran

me: abah, sakinah makna nyer ape?
abah: makna nyer at peace/tranquil/sempurna.
me: ooo okay. abah rasa keluarga kiter sakinah tak?
abah: a ah lah. kan kiter semue takde yang pencang. (read: limping)


-_____________________________-'' 0 comment(s)

Alhamdulillah, i got to meet this Ramadhan. YAY.



jangan lupa tawarih ok? hehehe. 0 comment(s)

you still care, don't you?

i've said this before, and it seems that i need to continue saying it over and over again. just to convince myself. it helps make me feel stronger. it helps make me feel better. it just helps.

"i'll leave it this in God's hands."


they say good things take their own time. and i'll continue to wait. and continue putting my trust in Allah s.w.t. insyaAllah. :) 0 comment(s)