i've learnt a new tactic.
it's a tactic that will end everything faster,
and it will end with having less casualty(ies).
i think it's a good tactic.
and a tactic that will work.




for now. 0 comment(s)

here's a secret.
i constantly think of things to write.
to get me inspired. i'll count myself lucky if others are affected by my thoughts.

in the past, it wasn't as difficult to think of something to write about. some pressing issue i wanted to bring across, or share. it seems a tad harder these days.

horrid.
absolutely horrid.


anyways, mama and abah is watching 'isteri untuk suamiku'.
occasionally, i would join in.

and of course, mama and i gang up against my poor old abah. about how men are this, this this, and that that that.

mama,'dah dah. jangan gadoh korang'
me, 'tapi nuwul suker gadoh dengan abah!'
heh heh heh.

hilarious.

and see, i've joined fiqah in one her classes.
now i can say i wake up every sunday morning looking forward to going to class!
hahahha. i never thought those words could be in the same sentence.
how much i miss going school.

abah, 'okay! nuwul kalau dah pandai, kiter celen!'
me, 'ouh! bring it man!'

kwang kwang kwang.

i'll always be daddy's little girl. :)

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a ritual

every single day, without a miss,
it's become a kind of ritual,
never late, and always punctual.

it's a habit i'd kick,
if it wasn't so much trouble.
but i can't help it,
it's not like i had picked,
to keep it coming,
hitting me hard,
like a big heavy brick.

it ain't always easy,
the brick leaves a bruise,
nothing that can be seen,
just felt from deep within.
-nuwul

emotions are something i have yet to conquer. 0 comment(s)

'What is most needed in a man's life?' asked a young boy.

'My son, you asked a good question.

• you need gratitude to your parents, love for them, and trust in them.
• you must pat due respect to your parents, to those who are your elders, and to those of wisdom who have good qualities, proper conduct, and actions.
• your tongue must always speak the truth, never falsehood.
• always live in the company of those who are good and those who are wise.
• learn the virtuous qualities of modesty, sincerity, reserve, and fear of wrongdoing.
• you must not harm another in your thoughts, in your intentions, in your words, or in your actions.
• acquire God's qualities. just s God shows compassion and love to all lives, you must show the compassion and love of God to all lives.
• faith and certitude in God are essential to your life. They will give you strength, determination, and support. you must develop that steadfastness.
• do not be hasty under any circumstances. develop patience, the inner patience known as sabur, the contentment known as syakur, the trust in God known as tawakkul, and always say 'Alhamdulillah, all praise belongs to God.'

'acquire God's qualities in this way and praise Him always. if these qualities appear in you, if you develop and utilize them, yuor life will become exalted. no matter where you may be, stay in the company of one who is wise and learn wisdom. then you will understand the connection between you, your life and the One who created you. if you understand this, you will understand the correct way to pray and the true state of prayer. this will give you vitory in your life.'


***

'which is the sound most sweet to the ears and to the heart of a man?' asked a man.
'the sweetest sounds in a man's life are the words of a baby. the baby's words are God's words. they do not contain deceit or treachery. they are words of peace, the sounds of God's grace,' answered the sheikh. 'they do not have the world or feelings of divisiveness in them. those sounds and words of God will be loved by everyone.'


The Golden Words of a Sufi Sheikh

i wanna get my hands on this book! sufi-ism is FREAKING cool man! 0 comment(s)

just a little and i can already sense the difference, the change.
tomorrow will be a better day.

Amin, Ya Rabbal AlAmin!

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YAY YAY YANI BALIK BESOK! YAY YAY! 0 comment(s)

for the longest time, i have forgotten.
for starters, i have forgotten how wonderful it is to be living, to be breathing.

i forgot to appreciate all of Allah's creations.
i forgot to give praise to all that i have.
i forgot how good i've got it.
i've got a wonderful family for goodness sake.
family that i know will always be there for me, till my dying day.
insyaAllah.
i've even got friends that i can trust.
friends i know can make me smile for miles and miles.

i don't have to look far.
i have my eyes to see, my mouth to eat, my tongue to speak and taste, my hands to feel and my feet to walk. i've got food to eat, i've got enough clothes to prevent my cupboard from fully closing and i've got a shelter above my head.

i forgot to give praise.
how arrogant. how ignorant.
Astaghfirullah. forgive me ouh Allah, for i have forgotten.



let's take a moment and say,
Alhamdulillah. thank you Allah.
thank you Allah.

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i'm afraid i've lost it.
and if i have, i pray and hope Allah will help me find my way to it again.

for Allah will be with those who's patient 0 comment(s)

is lying, not telling the whole truth and with holding information just as wrong?

they are all art of deception.
are they not?

***

"For Muslim men and women, for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in Charity, for men and women who fast,for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise, for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward."

~ Surah Al-Ahzab, verse 35 0 comment(s)

truth,
i am tired. of this.

truth,
shouldn't depend on anyone else but Him.

truth,
i have to step up.

truth,
this is a mess.

truth,
that was yesterday (literally), so it's passed, done, finished. things already turned bad, it can't possible get worse. right..?

truth,
i will be ok, because God will walk with me today, tomorrow and always.

truth,
i just don't like conflict; and i definitely don't like drama.

truth,
i wish i could disappear for awhile.

lie,
i have no idea what to do.

lie,
i do not have any issues.

lie,
i am the same girl i was a few years ago.

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.

you did it, good job. give credit to yourself. you sure are not taking credit. and i definitely don't see it being given to anyone. so i really don't know where it's going.

everyday, i learn more and more.

God bless me, God help me, God protect me, God be with me.
every step of the way.
amin. 0 comment(s)

my instructor last week read me like a book.
i wonder how he did it.
he sure is my most favouritest instructor - so far.
:)

***

ouh, and i hate it when you're fake. come on now.
i know, don't think i don't. ok? :)

do you have a vision of a blind man?

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i don't think i could, ever. 0 comment(s)

***

No one will manufacture a lock without a key.
Trust that God created solutions for all problems we meet.

***



***

Every successful person has a painful story.
Every painful story has a successful ending.
Accept the pain and get ready for success.
Heated gold becomes ornament. Beaten copper becomes wires. Depleted stone becomes statue. So the more pain you get in life you become more valuable.

***



juno is very funny. and cute. and great. and their soundtracks are amazing. and they are everything nice! wheeee~ 0 comment(s)

"so what if we didn't have careers that kept us in he office until midnight or business trips abroad so that we could get tiddly with the sales force or be of independent means? it doesn't mean tat we didn't have great lives. you think you have it all these days, but in reality you have so little. a rich and fulfilling life isn't found behind a desk."

"no on gets it tiddly these days, Mummy. we get lashed," i say. "you sound like some sort of terrible throw back from the victorian era."

"i'm not darling. i'm simply saying that the so-called liberation of women have resulted in them being more oppressed than ever before. superman might go out and save the world, but he doesn't come home to a pile of ironing, name tags to sew on and a list as long as your arm for Tesco's."

"women have fought long and hard for independence."

"independence is a myth," mother said, patting her hair. "we are totally dependent on others whether we like it or not. no one can operate entirely alone. we need people. we need people."

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"you plan for the future," my father continues heavily, "but none of us know how long we've got. we never understand the frailty of human life until it hits us in the face. we really are a very arrogant race. we always think we've got forever."



on to the next book! :D 0 comment(s)

i dreamed about you again.
you were in my dreams again.

ish, terok nyer.
sampai termimpi-mimpi? 0 comment(s)

i need to lose a few kilos. the needle on the weighing scare is more to the right side more than ever before. sungguh tak sexy. inside joke. kurang asam punyer setengah jagung of an ah-beng. HAHAHA.

anyways, i just got back from a very long long day.
finished work and finally spent some quality time with mama.
i feel so fortunate for having a mother i can talk to about anything; at all!

i can talk to her about school,
i can talk to her about work,
i can talk to her about flowers,
i can talk to her about my fears,
i can talk to her about my day,
i can talk to her about boys,

well, you get the idea.
point is, i can talk to her about everything.

she is the person i will find if i need a slap of reality or realisation in my face.
even if it's the harshest truth someone can ever tell, when it comes from your mother and through her lips, it just seems as if everything will be alright. like there are worse things that could happen, which is true by the way.
so everything from here on, won't be that bad, really.
as if the news was padded with pillows.
the hit isn't so hard when she says it; for some magical reason.

only my mother can make something so devastating seem very manageable and almost insignificant. she makes everything seem lighter.
like, 'ouh come on! that's old news. in with the new.' heh.
but never in a condescending way.

i used to think mothers have super powers.
because they always manage to find out what we're up to, sometimes in the weirdest and most conindcidental ways.
their spidey mommy senses will start tingling when we are up to no good or when we're in trouble.
right right? come on now, you know you agree with that.

i still think they do, by the way. have super powers.
:) aren't i glad for that?
that's the reason why i call my parents my bona fide heroes.
because they are. X)

ouh! and so you know, my mother can surf the net yo!
she went to youtube looking for videos by herself.
she's 50+ and rocking the cyberworld!
well almost.
if she starts blogging, i can call her mama sungguh canggih!
but for now, i'll just call her mama canggih.



ljs was awesome. thank you, Allah. for my mother, for my best friend.
thank you. because right now, i cannot ask for anything more. Alhamdulillah.

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yani is addicted to this song!
and so am i.



terima kasih, teman. :) 0 comment(s)

[...]

it's the fact that i can become kiddy.
it's just that i could be more of a child, then i already am.

there is no need to act a certain way, be an adult or whatever.
they seem so much more easy going and carefree, in some ways.
adults have so many things to worry about. heh.

i ran at the traffic light yesterday! not that that's a great feat, but it's something i have not done for a long time. haha. running at the traffic light fearing the words the 'last first person to reach the curb is kental'.
deprived childhood or what sey nuwul. hahahaha.

in zas' words, 'yes, i enjoyed today.'





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anddddd, i met liy today! and yani, well sorta. haha.
telepathy bebeh. XD
urgh, exciting nyer. cepat, i can't wait for the reunion! X) 0 comment(s)

i've probably watched homeless to harvard five to six times already.
and i still cry each time.
after watching it, it made me wanna run to the library and borrow as many books as i could get my hands on. buy myself a nice notebook and start taking notes with many colourful pens. or maybe just get intellectual.

i miss going to school.

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sometimes you wonder what's in stored for you at the end of the day.
sometimes you wonder if all this was worthwhile.
sometimes you wonder if it was really meant for you.
and sometimes you wonder if it would be better if things turned out different.

it's absolutely human to be asking questions, because we are naturally inquisitive.

i had a really bad dream yesterday night.
i woke up feeling really sad, it could make me tear.
i was almost feeling mad.
it could have come true for all i know. :(

the dream i had didn't seem to be just another bad dream.
it seemed as though there was meaning to it.
like there was a story being told, a message being delivered.

everything happens for a reason, and i can't stop asking why. 0 comment(s)

mimin: kak nuwul, niari ader tution tak?
nuwul: ..you finish your exams already right?
mimin: yar.
nuwul: okie, then we don't have it this week. i gotta go somewhere too later today.
mimin: okie. btw, kak nuwul. i want to tell you something.
nuwul: ouh okie, ape dier?
mimin: i improved my maths by 32 marks.
nuwul: YAY YAY! YAY YAY! whoohooo! *was literally jumping around with joy.
mimin: yar.. but only science haven't get.
nuwul: okie. do me a favour?
mimin: yar?
nuwul: when you get your science results, gv me a call k?
mimin: okie!
nuwul: YAY! i'm so happy you improved! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! GOOD JOB!
mimin: okie, bye kak nuwul.
nuwul: okay, byee.

i am very proud of my tutee!
after putting down the phone, i had to tell my best friend, my mother.
my arms were flying up high, 'WHOOHOO!'
Alhamdulillah! thank you Allah! XD 0 comment(s)

a picture galore

there's so many things to blog about.
but somehow, i have very little time to do that.
like, something would happen and i say, 'i should blog about this'.
but i never do!

anyways, i would say that life has been kind(er) to me these few days.
thank you God. and thank you for the supplications. :)

***

hari raya is definitely different from previous years. i'm not sure if that's so much of a bad thing. i definitely jalan-ed raya till the very last day. hahaha. but to be fair (and to make me look less kiasu), the first two weeks of Syawal wasn't spent with much raya-ing.

an open house cum kenduri, sent oniisan off, went back kampong, mama got sick, then i got sick. two weeks passed by, pretty much without any raya happening.

though i did go jalan raya-ing with liy, zohra and azrina!
that was fun. and we camwhored a whole lot! surprise surprise..
LOL. :)



these heels were not meant for walking.
seriously, 11hours of heels is a real pain. *youch!















i was soooo excited when we got to my place. because my lilies finally bloomed! the first day, it was all kuncup. but when i reached there, my eyes almost popped when i saw how fully bloomed they were! so excited and so proud! heh heh. ;)



this, i must say, made me very excited! i was like a 5 year old kid walking into a candy shop; excited giler... it was so cool to have a surveillance camera at home. feels so detective-ish. maybe i should have one of these when i get my own home. hahhaha. i was so jakon, it's not even funny.

thanks liy, for the invitation! XD

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back track; first day of raya

the house looks a little different from previous years. change of sofa; which we had for many many years, new tv, fresh flowers, new lafat-lafat. it's a good change. banyak berbakti sofa yang lama tu. Alhamdulillah. i loveeeee the old sofa's cushion. :D



check out that corner over there *points desperately. the lilies have not bloomed!
tak cantik kannn.

thank you God for allowing all five of us to celebrate lebaran together again this year. if not, i don't think we would be half as happy. so, praises to Him. :)







he's going to bring me skiing or snowboarding soon! i am sooo psyched! hehehe. :DDDD



i LOVE this boy's cheeky yet innocent face! he's doing the smug face. right right right?! haha.



i love this kid. she was very easy to babysit! mandikan, pakaikan pampers.. diammmm je. i love how she ran to me, seeking protection. my motherly instinct kicked in straight away. say it with me now; awwww.



my brother from a different mother.... and father. haha.



for some reason, i find this photo very interesting. :)



as the family grow bigger and bigger, it seems like the number of people that are present for family potraits gets smaller. it's so ironic.

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open house cum oonisan's kenduri for departure

i was so busy, i only took a break to take photo with these kids. other than that, i was a busy busy bumble bee. X)









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rayau raya

happy times. :)
arrived late because of work (what's new right?).
i was ill 3/4 of the time. extremely feverish, my body temperature was rising. i didn't eat any of the kuih. even asked fiqah to tapau for me plain water in a bottle. when you are in dire times, rasa segan dan malu terpaksa ditolak tepi. hahaha.
thank God i have a nurse for a friend. hehe.
the day after this day, i had fever, coughed out reddy dagingy phlegm (i know, very gross). not complaining much, just glad i didn't have to work that monday. i would have died. haha.




nafisah's wedding

the wedding was nice and simple. i still can't believe my friend is married. like, OMG.





making ugly faces is a gifted talent. XP











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that's all for now.. :)
if you wanna see more photos of these events, go to facebook or liy's multiply. heh heh. :)

the vein that i keep closing

and i'm in love with the song below! hee.

0 comment(s)

i'm done being nice to you.
goodbye. 0 comment(s)